RIP Carl Pohlad

Carl Pohlad has been a very polarizing figure in recent Minnesota sports history. On the one hand, he was the owner during the 1987 and 1991 world championships, the only professional sports titles of our current franchises. On the other hand, he has been known as a rather stingy owner, despite being one of the wealthiest owners in professional sports.

I know that Minnesota is not the biggest market in professional sports, but we have very loyal fans and support our teams (when they deserve support…I’m lookin’ at you wolves)

Side note- I would like to declare to the world that I lost a bet on the wolves, when they were up by 26 in the late second quarter. The sad part was, we decided it was a completely legitimate bet at the time. They ended up losing by 7. Every Jason Terry uncontested 3 pointer from the corner was a dagger into my heart (but I digress)

So what was I talking about? Oh yeah- The twins. It will be interesting to see what the new direction of the twins will be. We still will try to develop our own talent. I am fine with that, because it is a cost-effective way to bring up young stars, and we have an excellent scouting team that seem to always find needles in a haystack. But, one thing I would like to see us do is do is make that killer move in the offseason/before the trading deadline.

If we are in contention, we can afford to move a couple of prospects maybe once every 4-5 years to try to make it all the way. I feel like we have just been one free agent splash away from being a serious contender instead of a nice story (But, we do have the assassin, R.A. Dickey aka “Bearded Jesus” to lead us to the promised land now!!).

I love knuckleballs

Banks is Back in Black Friday

More Wild Times in the Life of the Infamous Mr. Banks:

Mr. Banks was an ordinary man, nothing more, nothing less. It was 5 o’clock, and he was up, no surprises. But, today he had not arisen to pacify his boss, Mr. Brooks. Today, he was up for a far more sinister task indeed. His stomach still ached from overuse, and he had seen more of his wife’s lovely family than he cared to see.

They had a way of being too nice, too caring. He always felt like such a jerk by comparison. Dave, her brother, told us of the hospital he was building in Nigeria. He talked with his hands, too much so, Banks recalled. It was as though he were pitching the hospital on an infomercial. As ridiculous African-hospital infomercial catch phrases ran through his head, he recalled that was up to do his wife’s bidding once more, namely to catch the bargains only the day after Thanksgiving had to offer.

He shaved, out of habit, not even realizing the act in his early morning trance. “God save me, this is going to be a rough day,” Banks grumbled to himself as his old floorboards moaned beneath him. Not completely dry from his rather hasty shower, he glared at his wife’s sleeping body, still not fully knowing how he had been conned in to this ridiculous task.

He carefully avoided the minefield of toys his daughters had thoughtfully left for him as he made his way out to his car. It was a hybrid, of course, the Mrs. had just picked up; saving the world. Banks hated the wretched thing. It’s artificial whine was cumbersome, but the worst was the conversations that ensued with complete strangers. He did not want their thanks for his selfless act. He did not want to share how he obtained it. He missed his old sedan. Sure, it was nothing flashy, but damn it did it purr.

When he arrived at the mall, people were already jockeying for position. It was embarrassing. A fat man in a tattered ACDC shirt near the front seemed to be doing a fantastic job of fending people off though. He had his wheaties today, maybe even the guy on the box, Banks chuckled. He did not understand the mob mentality this day created. People so anxious to throw their money away on gifts they don’t need for a holiday they don’t understand.
What did that make him? He was here. I guess it made him a guy that did not want to be hassled, Banks reasoned. His wife seemed to have a way with words that managed to both defy logic, but be incredibly persuasive and irrefutable.

After the caged beasts were released as the bell struck six, Banks sauntered towards the toy department, where he carefully plucked his pre-meditated selections off the shelves. He strolled around the store, invincible to the panic around him, and made his way out after he had paid.
He walked past an old man getting out of his handicap space. He appeared to be in good health. Was being old a handicap? Had he simply earned that spot through his longevity? Banks brainstormed ways to obtain a handicap permit as he entered his hybrid, and headed home, hopefully, for some much needed rest.

Thoughts from a Chaotic Mind

I am convinced that chapstick’s business model is predicated entirely upon consumer carelessness. Has anyone actually ever ran out of chapstick? They are making untold sums of money because their chapstick is so obnoxiously easy to lose.

Does anyone feel childish when saying the Lord’s Prayer in church? Why must it end in “forever and ever” I must say I prefer the “now and forever” ending tenfold. Really? We are going with forever and ever? Are we going to watch sesame street after the prayer too?

Why did the twins re-sign Nick Punto? Why???? Here is a career .250 hitter, with a 1.82/1 strikeout to walk ratio. Not only that, but he has 140 career RBI’s…Career! I am so upset I have to watch 2 more years of head-first dives into first I might cry.

So…who’s going to be the villain for the next Batman movie? Harvey Dent is dead, Heath Ledger is dead, and his performance as Joker is going to be impossible to follow. It cannot be said enough how awesome he was. Such a far cry from his usual work, he was the best villain in any movie, ever.

The cartoon “Ballard Street” is not funny. Every cartoon is a slap in the face to my intellect, and to every person that is exposed to this on a weekly basis in the Star Trib’s variety section. I think Jerry Van Amerongen kind of wants to be a cross between F Minus and The Far Side, but is a swing and a miss at every level. Please stop making cartoons Jerry. Please stop.

What?