Most recently Kahn was seen relentlessly polishing his new acquisition, a 2004 Kia Optima, which he received after he traded in his 2009 Acura MDX SUV and $3000 cash. The dealership later commented that they were more than willing to do the trade straight up, but Kahn insisted on throwing in the extra money to “seal the deal.”
The salesman whom Kahn predominantly dealt with during his 3 hours at the Portland Kia dealership, Alan Schierbeck, didn’t mind the encounter on the whole. However, he was annoyed how Kahn insisted on exchanging the $3000 “secretly”, 100 dollars at a time via a variety of different very forced “secret” handshakes. “It was really creepy” admitted Schierbeck.
“I can’t believe they fell for it! That Optima has 3,000 miles less than my Acura, and gets better gas mileage, ” said Kahn after proudly driving away from the dealership. As he rolled down his new sunroof he noted with a wry smile, “AND… the chicks dig it.”
When not polishing his new car, Kahn can often be found haggling with his neighbors over household goods.
Noted neighbor Randy Porter, “I don’t know why David insists on having lengthy negotiations about every little thing. I mean, if he needs to borrow my lawnmower he can, I’m a pretty reasonable guy I like to think.”
“Yeah I robbed Porter blind the other day,” boasted Kahn with little prompting. “You shoulda seen the look on his face!” After staring blankly towards the ground for several moments, Kahn continued, trying to hold back laughter while shaking his head, “I mean to think I only have to trim the Azaleas that border our yards three times a month for a year in exchange for the use of his hedge trimmer today… Well I guess that’s why I’m the president of basketball operations of an NBA franchise and he’s a teacher. “
Kahn was later seen touting his Monopoly track record versus his 9 year old son, Michael. “The thing about Mike is, he totally undervalues the purples. They are right by Go for Christssake! Just the other day, we did a Baltic for Marvin Gardens swap, straight up.”
Kahn’s wife of 17 years, Sharon, began laughing uncontrollably when asked about David’s compulsive need to negotiate at all times.
“I think he still hasn’t beaten Michael in Monopoly”, said Sharon between gasps for air. “He must have gotten up 6 or 7 times last game to get new dice last time they played,” continued Mrs. Kahn. “He really just shouldn’t have given Mike all his railroads for a get out of jail free card. He would have had at least something of a chance if he didn’t execute that gem.”
“There’s a sucker born every minute” said David, after his most recent defeat. He continued, with a gleam in his eye, “You just gotta know where to look.”
