I Love Fantasy Sports and So Do You

I have compiled a list of reasons why fantasy sports are great. Now I know what you are thinking, Why are so many of your posts about sports? Are you really that shallow and uncreative? (Searching for comeback...)

1) Stay in Touch With Friends

If I haven't talked to a buddy for a while, a great reason to drop him a line would be to verbally abuse him with regards to the appalling trade proposal I just received, or to openly complain about my first round pick's latest injury.

2) Draft Day Dialogue

Such timeless gems as I'm going to take....a really long time, and did Isaac just take LaTroy Hawkins in the 4th round? never get old. During a recent fantasy basketball draft it was suggested that Technical fouls be a category, just so Racheed Wallace could be a first round pick.

There was also a philosophical discussion about if a "cock blocks" category was created to replace blocks, who's draft status would be elevated? The only name we all agreed upon was Mark Madsen

"Hey guys! Where yah going? Can I come?"

3) The promotion of diversity

It is common knowledge that a victorious fantasy team needs to have good racial diversity. A quality team needs: a black man with a white sounding name, such as Troy O'Leary. A token white guy, such a Kyle Korver. A token Latino, such as Manny Ramirez (these are not hard to come by in baseball of course, but for basketball the PG Jose Caulderon has added fantasy value for the purpose of diversity)

And, of course, a fat kid. Might I suggest drafting Robert "Tractor" Trailer (picture on the right) with your final pick to boost team morale regardless of which sport/decade the draft is taking place.

If you follow this advice, your fantasy team is sure to bond Remember the Titans-style, under the watchful patient eyes of Denzel Washington. You do want to become Denzel Washington don't you? (Rhetorical/Implied of course)

4) The development of ridiculous/irrational grudges

I am not going to further specify how great it is to hate random players from random teams for an unjustifiable fantasy-related reason. Instead I am going to list players/coaches that have wronged me and I will never be able to fully forgive (They know why):

Thomas Jones, Keith Foulke, Travis Hafner, Yao Ming, Chad Johnson, Mike Shanahan, Nick Folk, Alex Rodriguez (this one is actually not fantasy related, he is just... well, he defies description) Ricky Davis, Vince Carter.

Now you can see how you it is imperative that you join no less than 20 fantasy leagues immediately.

Do it now.

Do it for freedom.

Do it for America.

Do it for the guy Mark Madsen just cock-blocked.