Barack Obama ran a campaign on the principle of change. I, too have some changes that I believe need to be made to improve our great nation.(Note: This picture will make sense to you in a bit, please help us try to find him a new home)
1) Regis Philbin gets a new game show every 4-6 weeks no questions asked. I can’t control the volume of my voice! Its gonna be huge! He is unequivocally the greatest host ever. He could make an episode of According to Jim watchable.
2) Gus Johnson gives the play by play of every major sporting event effective immediately. Once, when watching an NCAA tournament game last year, a white guy from Maine whom Gus affectionately dubbed the “White Lobster” hit a couple of threes, and Gus screeched, “The White Lobster….Is COOKIN’!!” I wanted to cry right there it was so beautiful. If you are still not convinced check out this quick youtube video of him calling the end of a Gonzaga game where he may or may not have needed a new lung shortly thereafter.
3) Public tarring and feathering will become commonplace again after everyone has so mu
ch fun watching Rosie O’Donnell get publicly humiliated by someone besides herself for a change. Also spontaneous “anti-redcoat” mobs will be formed to trick Dick Clark into thinking he’s a teenager again... Dick Clark is really old.
ch fun watching Rosie O’Donnell get publicly humiliated by someone besides herself for a change. Also spontaneous “anti-redcoat” mobs will be formed to trick Dick Clark into thinking he’s a teenager again... Dick Clark is really old.4) The guy that Dick Cheney shot in the face gets to have 1 “shoot Dick Cheney in the face” for free pass that he can use at any time. Afterwords, Dick must apologize to the shooter for being shot in the face, and promise that he, Dick Cheney, will not get shot in the face ever again.
5) Tom Delonge is banished to a Leper Colony for starting the unbearable band, Angels and Airwaves, and provided with the world’s biggest mirror so he can spend the rest of his days staring at what he believ
es to be God’s gift to this planet.
es to be God’s gift to this planet. "I love myself so much it hurts sometimes!"
6) Any kid who plays basketball in jeans will be kicked off that team and his/her parents will lose custody of said child for allowing this to happen.
7) And finally, Mel Gibson is forced to celebrate Hanukkah every year. I would love to see the tension develop every day of celebration as his mind fills with anti-Semitic remarks directly beneath an awkwardly placed yarmulke.
I know the world would be a much better place with these simple rules being implemented.
I know the world would be a much better place with these simple rules being implemented.
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