The Superbowl

This year’s superbowl way exceeded my expectations for a variety of reasons. First of all, I had very low expectations, which is key. Secondly, there were a lot of other non-game related activities that kept my mind occupied. Let me elaborate.

I loved how Larry Fitzgerald’s dad was cut to every time he did something/was mentioned/heart beated. He always had the same stoic expression, as to remain the objective journalist for the paper nobody has ever heard of, (Side note- Bill Simmons mocked this fact until a reader confronted him and told him that it was an African-American newspaper, then he went on to not apologize or care… brilliant) Seriously, I’ve never heard of it and I’ve lived in Minnesota my whole life. (It’s called the Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder)

I also loved how I bet on the game, talking down my buddy from the actual line of Pittsburgh -7, to Pittsburgh -4.5, only to have Pittsburgh win by 4. I was playing out ridiculous going for 2/ overtime scenarios on Pittsburgh’s last drive. They were so ridiculous I dare not mention them aloud.

The best part of the superbowl however, had to be Kurt Warner……’s wife. Seriously. I made so many Kurt Warner’s wife jokes during the superbowl it wasn’t even funny anymore (yes it was). Look at these two pictures. On one side, a pseudo dyke/trucker look, and the other a superficial nip/tuck face. Yes, they are the same human being.

How do you think this conversation went down?

Kurt: “Honey, ummm now that I’m not bagging groceries, can you maybe look hot?”
Brenda: “What is that dear?”
Kurt: “It’s just that…well…all the other players have hot wives, I mean come on…we’re all rich celebrities. We can marry up in this world. And you…you look like Rosie O’Donnell’s sloppy seconds.”
Brenda: “You’re right Kurt! It’s what God would want!” (They are very religious, just thought I would work that in for good measure)

I’m putting the over/under at 50,000 for the surgery (s) (and I think the safe money’s on the over).

The best joke of the night was easily Brenda Warner/Jimmy Claussen references. Why is Kurt making out with that punk kid from Notre Dame? Shouldn’t he be mentoring him?

Oh and by the way D-Lew/other ND fans that are reading this: Nice to see the Irish snap out of there infinity bowl game losing streak against Hawaii this year. Maybe they will step it up and a bowl win on the mainland this time around. That is assuming that Charlie Weis doesn’t have to stop coaching because his ego actually went in to orbit, joining the already several snickers bars that currently succumb to his gravitational pull.