An Inconvenient Truth

What has become increasingly obvious to me is that the size of a girl’s sunglasses is in direct inverse proportion to how hot she actually is. Believe me, I like many of less rock more talk’s male readers no doubt, have fallen victim to thinking a girl is good-looking simply because she was wearing oversized shades. Allow me to break it down for you.

Category 1: The “I have sunglasses, but wear them on my forehead because I’m so damn good looking”

These women own sunglasses, but have no flaws they feel necessary to cover up by wearing them. They are confident in what god, or in many cases, the steady hands of a plastic surgeon gave them. These sunglasses end up being very ineffective in preventing sunlight from hitting the iris, but have a long productive life of playfully resting atop said individuals head.

Category 2: The “I wear sensible sunglasses for practical reasons, and can do so because I am a pretty face”

Becoming rarer and rarer these days, women of this category actually wear sunglasses to shield their eyes from the harmful sun’s rays. These sunglasses are also helpful in squinting avoidance, and reduce blinking necessity. (No picture available)

Category 3: The “I wear somewhat oversized sunglasses but only do so because they are really fashionable and you can still clearly tell I am a 10” Or, the Eva Mendez category, for short.

This type of woman defies the rule that the larger the sunglass lens the less attractive the woman, and do so to spite men everywhere. They could be dressed in a large paper bag and a man would still know he was looking at a genuine beauty. Many suspect these women receive large payments in unmarked bills monthly in order to continue to wear these oversized “fashion” statements to make men think that a female in oversized sunglasses can be attractive.

Category 4: The “These sunglasses are meant to trick you, do not look directly into them, or you will submit to my will!”
These women know exactly what they were doing when they purchased those windshields and had them rounded, and attached to frames. In winter months these women are desperate, bitter and alone. However, for a fleeting socially acceptable 11-7 May thru August these women go from 4’s to 7.5’s. Men are interested in them, and laugh at their jokes. They get approached at beaches, and taken to the movies, where their dates find it strange they would continue to wear shades in a dark theatre.

Category 5: The “Swamp Donkeys”

No explanation necessary.